So here we are at the end of the saga of Edward and Bella. Five movies ago, the series began with a small clan of vampires living in the Pacific Northwest and the angst-driven Bella, who fell in love with one of the vampires - Edward Cullen. Edward loved Bella, too, and wanted to make her like him so they could be together forever, but he held back, not wanting to kill her and subject her to the travails of a vampire’s life, such as being cold, not breathing, and wanting to rip open the throat of the nearest human and drink. Even when Bella begged Edward to bite her, Edward refused. So Jacob, a werewolf, made a play for Bella. She never seemed to go for it, but this drama went on and on and on for three movies, until Edward and Bella finally married in the fourth, conceived a child, and Edward took that fateful bite.
Based on the opening scenes of the fifth movie, I don’t see what the big deal was. Bella’s senses are heightened. She’s strong and feels incredible. And her love-making with Edward is mind-blowing. Yes, there’s the pesky issue of craving human blood, but Bella overcomes that easily AND gets a super power to boot!
It sounds goofy, and it is. The “Twilight” movies are known for tormented, weepy drama, not great storytelling. My daughter assures me the books, of which there are four, are great, but based on the films, I remain a skeptic.
The movies developed a reputation for being poorly made, and indeed, the first four were easy targets for critics. How could we not point out the bad acting, the inept directing, and the cheap special effects, which stood out like a sore thumb against the otherwise beautiful mountain setting? Slamming the movies got old, though, and by the fourth movie, the series had sunk into self-parody anyway, so all critics could do was laugh along.
Some of the series’ trademark clunkiness is present in the fifth movie, which is based on the second half of the fourth book. In an early scene in which Bella lashes out at Jacob for imprinting on her daughter, she screams at him for calling the child “Nessie”: “You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness monster?” she says with the earnestness of a Shakespearean actor.
But there’s something different about the fifth movie, and it’s evident from the opening scene, which consists of breathtaking images of nature accelerated and in intense close up: chains of snowflakes form; flowers freeze and crackle; and the landscape slowly morphs into flowing blood. Then we cut to Bella, who’s experiencing the joys of her aforementioned heightened senses. Soon, she and Edward are tearing through a forest on a hunt, and there’s a previously unseen confidence to the filmmaking, and even a sense of artistry and atmosphere, as though a skilled director had suddenly stepped in and taken control. Indeed, Bill Condon, who also helmed the fourth movie, brings compelling images to the screen and does a fine job of choreographing the battle between the Cullen clan and the ruling Volturi in the final act.
Unfortunately, it’s too little, too late. While the acting, directing, and special effects have never been better, and actually make this “Twilight” seem like a real movie and not an entry in an amateur filmmaking competition, the story cannot support the running time. Once we get past the opening scenes of Bella stretching her vampire muscles, nearly nothing happens until the end. Instead, characters stand around and talk, and stand around and talk, and stand around and talk. The climactic fight is well-staged, and its resolution is clever, but getting there is a torturous exercise in staying awake.
In the end, “Twilight” comes across as an overblown fable about traditional marriage and the difficulty kids have keeping their hormones in check while waiting to say “I do.” Edward being a vampire was either meant to be ironic or show how our values about marriage and sex go against our physical nature. But the subtext was buried in so much silliness, it was hard to take any of it seriously.
Now I have to stop making fun of these movies and move on. At least the “Hunger Games” films are here to give young people a reason to salivate and critics a chance to sharpen their claws.
Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence, disturbing images, sensuality and partial nudity. Two stars out of four. Email David Laprad at dlaprad@hamiltoncountyherald.com.