Since the dawn of time, men have refused directions. Fathers have passed down this genetic quirk to their sons for countless generations, resulting in untold hours wandering down wrong paths. But the winds of change are blowing, and modern man is slowly realizing he doesn’t know everything.
Nowhere is this more evident than fatherhood. Babies do not come with manuals, yet delicate newborns are placed in the arms of their dads every day. From that point on, both parents are responsible for nurturing the child into a productive adult. It is a staggering duty.
To give new dads the directions they need, First Things First, a not-for-profit organization dedicated to strengthening families in Hamilton County through education, has been offering a class that teaches the basics of being a dad. From how to change a diaper to bonding with a baby, the three-hour session covers the scope of tending to a child’s physical and emotional needs. It even has a cool, manly name: Boot Camp for New Dads.
Willie Richardson went through Boot Camp before his first child was born in 2010. His dad had told him fatherhood was the “bedrock of society,” so he wasn’t going to take any chances.
“I didn’t know how to change a diaper or even the fundamentals of how to bond with a child. The class was eye-opening,” he says.
Boot Camp taught Richardson it would take time for him to bond with his daughter, Cara. He also learned he would have to be an active participant in the rearing of his child if he wanted to bond with her.
“Dads have to make an intentional decision to be involved. Moms are bonded from day one. But dads – their bodies don’t change, their eating habits don’t change, and they don’t carry the baby for 40 weeks. They go on their merry way. The class helped me to understand bonding is a process,” Richardson says.
Richardson says he went into Boot Camp with the “grit, will and determination” to be an effective father, and the class helped. His wife, Destiny, was impressed with what she saw, to the point of letting him stay at home with their baby for several weeks.
Richardson was on summer break from teaching, and he jumped at the opportunity to bond with his daughter.
“Few guys get thrown into that, but my wife said, ‘Baby, you will bond with her.’ And she was great. She didn’t call every five minutes to ask how the baby was doing. She had confidence in me,” Richardson says.
Richardson cherishes the memory of that time with Cara. The skills he learned in Boot Camp – from how to change a diaper to how to understand his daughter’s different cries – allowed him to keep a level head. When it was time for him to go back to work, he didn’t want to go.
“I wanted to stay with my baby girl. I never thought I would be that guy. I would look into her eyes in the morning, and she would smile back at me. We had bonded!” he says.
Richardson was so impressed with the class, he volunteered to teach it. Once a month at Parkridge East Hospital or Erlanger Women’s East, he passes on the skills that have made him a successful father to a group of about 15 new dads. His classes consist of a mix of married and single dads, and span the socio-economic gamut, but everyone generally has one thing in common: the stubborn spirit that’s a hallmark of the male species.
“Men are not looking for information on how to be a father.” Most of us think, ‘My dad did this, so I can do it.’ But things have changed since we were kids. Balancing work, family and playtime is tough,” Richardson says.
Richardson says the biggest challenge he faces as a parent is raising a child in a generation that has different values than previous generations. “Marriage and discipline are not valued as much. What I do in my house might not be going on next door,” he says.
While Richardson likes to keep the mood at Boot Camp light, he says strong emotions rise to the surface, and he encourages the men to share their experiences.
“Men will talk about what their fathers did, and how they want to do things differently. You’ll hear, ‘My dad was there for me,’ but you’ll hear more of the other,” Richardson says.
Now that Richardson has bonded with his daughter, and he and his wife have added a boy, Tripp, to their family, he cannot conceive of not being with his children. He would miss them too much.
“When I come home from work and open the door, my daughter’s feet are like a track star’s. She’ll scream, ‘Daddy! Daddy,’ and come running to me. I love to put her to bed and to read to her. The seeds we planted early on are growing. I don’t know what our relationship will be like in ten years, but she has my heart,” he says.
To sign up for Boot Camp for New Dads, visit firstthings.org and click on the “Boot Camp for New Dads” link on the menu on the left. The next class will be held May 26 at Parkridge East Hospital from 9 a.m. to noon. There is no cost to attend.