Comedian Brian Regan has a routine in which he relates the story of how his roommate in college asked him if he wanted to “split a pie,” and Regan said, “Sure, I guess. Do you like apple?” The roommate wanted to split a pizza, but the colloquialism was lost on Regan.
If anyone in the Chattanooga area is unfamiliar with what a “pie” is, they’ll learn soon enough, as Pie Slingers has arrived, and if everyone enjoys it as much as my family and I did, these guys will be making a name for themselves.
A little background: When it comes to pizza, I’m easy. I even like the Chef Boyardee pie you can make at home. However, my wife and stepson were born and bred in Bronx, N.Y., and their tastes are more evolved than mine. To put it bluntly, they’re pizza snobs, to the point that until we went to Pie Slingers, my stepson had found only one place in the Chattanooga area that serves pizza he can tolerate.
Given this, I thought they’d be a good judge of whether or not Pie Slingers was worth the drive to either Signal Mountain, Tenn., or Rock Springs, Ga. (We chose the Signal Mountain location. Visit www.pieslingers.com for directions to either location.)
I believe you have to get four things right to make a good pizza: the crust, the sauce, the toppings, and the cheese. Deliver on all four fronts, and you’ve hit a home run. Get a double or a triple, and you’re still in a position to score.
Pie Slingers connects with the ball and rounds first base with a strong crust. Developed by owners Skip and Jennifer Welsh, the recipe for the dough is a closely guarded secret. Whatever they use, when their crust comes out of the oven, it’s crisp, buttery and, for my money, has the right thickness: it’s not so thick it might as well be bread, and it’s not so thin in it might as well be a cracker. It’s perfect. It also tastes good, and it holds the weight of the toppings.
My wife wanted a thicker edge, but I was happy.
Next, Pie Slingers reaches second with an excellent sauce. I defer to my wife, who said the sauce isn’t overly sweet, nor is it so spicy it overwhelms the other ingredients. This is high praise from the lady who, a few years ago, all but yelled at the manager of Fat Daddy’s by the Rave Theater for having the nerve to call his pizza “New York style pizza,” when no self-respecting pizza place in New York would serve sauce as spicy as his or crust as bland as his. (We have since returned to Fat Daddy’s, and the sauce and crust are much better.)
Pie Slingers turns third base and heads toward home with a selection of fresh toppings. Whether you’re going for veggies, meat, or a combination of both, chances are you’re going to like what they put on your pie. My wife and I ordered the Godfather, a combination of four meats, and it was better than delicious. I especially liked the handmade Italian sausage. Unlike sausage that’s merely sausage by name, but not taste, the sausage at Pie Slingers has enough spices to let you know it’s there amongst the crust, the sauce, the other meats and the cheese.
Ah, the cheese. This is where we required an instant replay. (I realize professional baseball doesn’t have an instant replay; just work with me.) While eating the Godfather, my wife and I were raving about this and that, but something was missing. And she nailed it: the cheese wasn’t salty enough or stringy. I agreed. However, my stepson loved the pepperoni pie we brought back for him, and he didn’t have anything bad to say about the cheese.
My wife and I returned to Pie Slingers another day to try some of the other menu items, including the baked-to-order lasagna and the Stromboli, and both of us did a 180 on the cheese. My wife’s lasagna was covered with bubbly cheese, and my Stromboli doubled in length as I tried to tear off a piece and the cheese strung across the table. Even better, the cheese tasted good. Perhaps what we experienced during our first visit was a result of the meats on the Godfather overpowering the cheese. Perhaps.
Pie Slingers has many other “slingnature” pies to sample, including the Hawaii 5-OH! (pineapple, Canadian bacon and mozzarella), the Pie-Sano (mozzarella, parmesan and asiago cheese), a barbecue pie, a taco pie, a veggie pie, a gluten-free pie and more. You can also pick and choose from their selection of 30 toppings to come up with your own creations.
Pizzas come by the slice or in sizes ranging from 12 inches up to the 28-inch Behemoth, which would make a great pie for a Super Bowl party.
If you’re in the mood for Pie Slingers, but not pizza, you’re in luck, as they have plenty of alternatives ranging from Greek and Caesar salads (I tried the Greek, and was pleased with the fresh vegetables and tangy Balsamic dressing), to chicken wings you can dip in a variety of house made sauces, to several desserts, including Sarah’s Smores Stiks, which I plan on trying during my next visit.
That’s right; I’ll be going back. This is good food. Although I called for an instant replay on the cheese, Pie Slingers slid safely into home to score the run.
My write-up of Pie Slingers would not be complete if I didn’t mention the decor. While Pie Slingers does take out and catering, one of the things my wife and I enjoyed about eating in their spacious dining room was the explosion of memorabilia, from the old radios that line the walls, to the Pez dispensers that hang from the ceiling, to the old school arcade game near the front door. (Yes, I wasted a quarter on “Galaga.”)
But what’s really special about the decor at Pie Slingers is the glass tabletops, which are essentially mini-museums of days gone by. From a table featuring eight track tapes and Atari 2600 cartridges (the latter of which nearly made me weep), to a table of “Far Side” clippings and Chuck Norris sayings, to a table featuring authentic KISS memorabilia, the creativity and range of topics is impressive.
In the short time I have lived in the Chattanooga area, I have seen a number of pizza places come and go. I would imagine it’s a tough business for a local entrepreneur to break into because of the intense competition from national and local chains and the expectations customers bring to the table. But when you do pizza right, your customers will be yours for life.
Pie Slingers serves the kind of food that encourages loyalty. For that reason, I was pleased to hear the Welshes are opening up a third location in Fort Oglethorpe, and are looking to expand elsewhere in the Chattanooga area.
If you go to Pie Slingers, don’t be surprised to see me munching on some wings as I try to explain “Far Side” to my wife. She may never understand the humor of Gary Larson, but she likes Pie Slingers, and that’s all that will matter.
Email David Laprad at dlaprad@hamiltoncountyherald.com.