When the offensive players on a football team take to the field, they have one purpose: reach the end zone. There’s just one thing in their way: the opposing team’s defense. While the offense has the drive to score a touchdown, it might not know how to overcome the block of opposing players.
The team’s coach, however, does have the strategies and techniques that can steer his offense past the goal line. He can also help his players concentrate when their focus wavers and provide encouragement when they lose motivation. Without a coach, an offense will spend 60 minutes slamming against a brick wall in a vain attempt to gain a few yards. Life is messier and more complicated than football, so it stands to reason that more and more people are seeking help from the sidelines as they try to accomplish a particular goal. The people to whom they turn are called, appropriately, life coaches.
Dr. Susan Hickman, a clinical psychologist who also serves as a life coach, says coaching is a good way for a person to achieve change. “Maybe you’ve been at your job for 30 years, and you want to open your own business. That can be terrifying because it’s a radical change. The support of a life coach can give you the courage to do it.” Although a life coach does provide encouragement, he or she is not a cheerleader, Hickman says. From setting goals, to identifying obstacles, to establishing the steps that will take a person to where he or she wants to go, the role of a coach goes deeper than pom-poms and applause. Spotting and removing roadblocks is a big part of empowering a person to make a change, Hickman says. “Let’s say you want to write a book. And we establish that you’ll do one chapter a week. But when you walk into your office to start writing, you leave and do something else. What’s that about? Do you have a fear of failure? Did your dad criticize you a lot? Maybe every time you set out to accomplish something, you feel badly about yourself, so you do something else,” Hickman says.
While roadblock removal is also one of the goals of psychotherapy, Hickman points out that analysis is for people who are struggling with a mental issue, while life coaching is for people who are mentally well but looking to make a change, whether it’s lose weight or end a relationship. Because a life coach client is motivated to change, results generally occur more quickly than they do for people in therapy. “Psychotherapy is a long-term process that involves developmental issues. Those things take time to undo. Life coaching clients have a specific goal in mind and are dedicated to seeing it through,” Hickman says.
The good news for men and other clients who eschew therapy is that there’s no stigma attached to life coaching. “There’s this idea that it’s OK for a guy to get a coach, but it’s not okay for him to see a psychotherapist,” Hickman says. Like any professional service, the quality of the help life coaches offer varies. This is because the coaching industry is not regulated, which means anyone can complete a certification course and just hang a shingle. Hickman recommends seeking out a life coach with a background in psychotherapy, as he or she will have the knowledge and the training that can help clients navigate mental barriers.
“As a psychologist, I have all of the behavioral training I need. And I know how to keep you motivated and give you good ideas.” Hickman also brings some of the qualities of a good sports coach to the table: she never gives up on people, she’s good at putting together a game plan, and she knows when to push hard and when to back off. “If someone is giving me a lot of excuses, I might have to press hard and say, ‘This must not be important to you.’ You can’t achieve a goal without experiencing some discomfort,” she says.
Unlike a football coach who measures success by his number of Super Bowl rings, however, Hickman does not think of big outcomes as better than small outcomes. Rather, she simply loves to see people achieve their goals, no matter the size. “Maybe someone’s desire is to become the CEO of their company, and they do it. That would seem like a big thing. But to me, that’s no different in terms of achievement than a woman who’s in a controlling marriage getting to the point where she can say, ‘I’m not going to live like this anymore.’ To me, the small things people want to achieve are just as exciting.”