One of Richard Lederer’s books is “Sleeping Dogs Don’t Lay (and that’s no lie).” Subtitled “Practical advice for the grammatically challenged,” it’s a good book to keep handy. I’ve an incoming note from Vicki Fewell: “Knowing what a stickler you are for proper word usage and grammar, I had to write … about … last week’s column.” In which Vicki read that Ellen the elephant “layed [sic] down on her side and died.”
Ugh! I knew where this was going. For Vicki, a law school classmate, once taught English. She was for a time the Law Review’s executive editor, the one who knew stuff like the Lie-Lay-Lain Rule. “I made a great point of understanding the respective meanings and conjugations of lie (briefly, to recline) and lay (to put or place),” Vicki wrote. “Nowhere in either conjugation is layed, as I’m sure you know.” (Note to readers in Memphis and Nashville: Don’t rush back to your stack of old papers. An editor saved the day in your venues.)
Vicki related other recent instances of grammatical faux pas. It seems someone called an ask-the-doctor show, said she had fleas and that the hot weather “exasperated” the bites. Keeping a straight face, the doc said it “might not be strictly a medical problem and told her that her first step should be to get rid of the fleas.” Otherwise, I suppose, exacerbation might set in. And then there is Michelle Bachmann, who “accused President Obama of having ‘choots-pa.’ Imagine thinking you’re smart enough to run the country while not knowing how to pronounce chutzpah.” (I did not try to imagine myself as smart enough to run the country. But I have had my share of pronunciation issues. The first time I pronounced the name of rapper Dr. Dre, I used the long-e sound. The chuckles from the class I was teaching told me that I should have said “Dray.”)
Vicki went on to note that Bachmann also confused an actor with a serial killer in another public statement. This was a reference to her saying last month that “Just like John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa, that’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.” This was in Waterloo, Bachmann’s birthplace. The problem is that Waterloo was the home of John Wayne Gacy, who, after being convicted of 33 murders, was executed in 1994. Should it not also be noted that the above quoted 17-word sentence has two major grammatical flaws, in addition to misstating the local history of the place spoken about? “Just like John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa” needs to be followed by the pronoun “I” to refer to Bachmann, who was born in Waterloo. Not by “that,” which in context can refer only to “kind of spirit.” Since there is nothing about spirit in the first phrase, it’s a rare example of a doubly dangling modifier. To say nothing about the unneeded second “that” in the sentence. Forty lashes to the Tea Party’s staff grammarian!
Vic Fleming is a district court judge in Little Rock, Ark., where he also teaches at the William H. Bowen School of Law. Contact him at vicfleming@att.net.