Hamilton Herald Masthead


Front Page - Friday, February 26, 2016

Are We There, Yet?

Jay Edwards

So I was wasting time and came across a story about a girl’s high school basketball game in Ohio where the final score was 108-1. This was on Facebook, where I go for all the important news of the day. 

This June will be my 7-year anniversary on FB. Reminiscing, I went back to that first day in 2009, June 24, just to see what was happening. 

Matt, my son, was the first to comment on my presence, when he said, “I just remember the words, ‘I will NEVER get on Facebook,’ uttered repeatedly.” 

I responded by posting the video of the news reporter down in Texas who more than a little freaked out when the lizard jumped on his stomach. A classy comeback I think.

My next post was my dog Gus, behind bars down at the pound. I gave his full name, Augustus of Bismark, to which Kyle Mooty said, “Augustus from Bismarck? Isn’t that the guy that calls into Wally’s show each week?” Few are funnier than Kyle. I hope they’re enjoying him down there in Alabama.

Then Judge Randy Morley said, “Bomb door circuits Negative function!” which I believe is from Dr. Strangelove. Random but appropriate nonetheless.

My friend Amber Davis Tanner then said, “Jay!!! Welcome to the many internets...” 

I love Amber, she can pull off being extremely edgy, yet poised, better than anyone I know.

My day two on FB was a solemn one, with news of the passing of Farrah Fawcett. Morley and I used to get out of our evening Algebra class at the U of A and rush to his apartment so we could catch “Charlie’s Angels.” When I posted Farrah’s iconic poster from the 70’s on the day she died, Morley commented, “Best thing ever out of the University of Texas.”

There was another death on June 25, 2009, of someone even bigger than Farrah and her hair. We were all pretty stunned when word got out that the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, had died. But as Amber pointed out to me, I only had 20 friends then, so not much was said about Jacko.

Later that day the number went to 21 when my daughter Alexis accepted my friend request by saying, “Hey dad!!!! You are on Facebook. That’s weird.” 

She has no idea.

 Then she said, “I’m so glad you have Pootie Tang on your wall.” 

Well, Pootie and Costas is my signature video, ranking right up there with “The Breakfast Song.”

The next day, June 26, saw more solemn news when Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina got his A’s mixed up at the airport and instead of hiking the Appalachian Trail, as he told his wife, ended up in an amorous adventure in Argentina. Big scandal. Now he’s one of SC’s Republican congressmen.

Other headlines from my FB page in 2009 – 

64-year-old Ruth Day made two holes-in-one in a single outing at the Whitley Bay Golf Club in North Tyneside, England. She made her first ace on the 149-yard third hole, a par 3, and then another on the 161-yard 13th, also a par 3. (I’ve made zero)

Lucy O’Donnell Vooden, who will forever be known as the inspiration for the Beatles’ Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, passed away from lupus. She was 46. Per legend, John Lennon’s son Julian brought home a drawing of Lucy, who was one of his classmates. The drawing inspired Lennon and Paul McCartney to write the song, which would go on to be one of the group’s most controversial. (See LSD)

And finally this entry – 

The 22nd Annual Julian Cup is now in the books. Congratulations to Captain Morley and his team for a steamroll comeback on Sunday, and to this year’s MVP James Dietz. 

Joseph Gardner commented – “James, he’s a sand bag; was my father’s partner for many years!!”

Pretty tough to sand bag in the Cup, Joseph.

Jay Edwards is editor-in-chief of the Hamilton County Herald and an award-winning columnist. Contact him at jedwards@dailydata.com.